I burst into tears. It came without warning. I was watching one of my favourite movies and my mind decided it was a good moment to explode in emotion.
I burst into tears and I don’t really know why. So many things are going through my mind I can’t pinpoint an exact thought that might have triggered this exaggerated reaction.
I burst into tears and you were there. My train of thoughts had, somehow, arrived to the image of your eyes. Your amazing green eyes. The only eyes I know the colour of. The green eyes I always write.
I burst into tears and I clutch my chest. It’s hurting. The sharp pain is a reminder of how harsh life can be. It’s also a reminder of how worse it can be.
I burst into tears and it’s a visceral reaction. It’s violent. It’s loud. It’s uncontrollable. I try moving, but I’m paralysed. Paralysed by fear, pain and emptiness. Paralysed by the hole I’ve never been able to fill.
I burst into tears and somehow I feel you there, I feel you close. How is that possible? You’re not here anymore. You haven’t been for twelve years.
I burst into tears and I ache. The word is not one I use lightly. But I ache. I truly ache. Who thought that a hole could hurt like this? It’s a hole after all, isn’t it?
I burst into tears and I feel your hand stroking my hair. I know it’s not possible. Also, you never did stroke my hair, so I wouldn’t know what it would be like. But I feel that this is how. It can’t be, but for once I decide I don’t care and prefer to be ignorant of reality.
I burst into tears and look at the ceiling, desperate to make it stop. I want to use gravity to force an end. Obviously, it doesn’t work. I feel your stroke again. This time on my face.
I burst into tears and I suddenly don’t feel so alone. You’re here, after all these years. I thought that you forgot about me. Rather, I never thought I was important to you. I always feared that you were more important to me than the other way around.
I burst into tears and I see your green eyes. How can you be here? I don’t think I want to know the answer. I’ve missed you so much I just want for you to be next to me and not question whether it’s real or not.
I burst into tears but I feel I’ll finally be able to stop. I know you love me, as do I. The hole will always be there, but I can live with it if you’re with me sometimes. I’ll always miss you but you’ll always be next to me.