“I wasn’t scared that you were holding my hand. I was scared that I was liking it.”
“You pulled away.”
“I did.”
“Don’t be scared. This is right. You know it is.”
“No, it’s not. We are going to cross a line where there is no coming back from, Chris. This time for good.”
“You are the one that put the line there.”
“For a reason.”
“It’s not a reason anymore.”
“It still is for me. Somehow.”
“Are you ever going to forgive yourself? To forgive me? We didn’t do anyhting wrong. We just fell in love.”
“We shouldn’t have done that.”
“As if we could have controlled it! Enough already!”
I hear the music that has been in the background for a while. Only now it’s coming into focus.
“What is this? Did you fucking plan this?”
“What are you talking about?”
“The music.”
“What, Faithless? You love Faithless.”
“The song. It’s ‘If Loving You Is Wrong’. I can’t fucking believe you!”
“You think I planned to fight and this exact song be playing at this precise moment?”
“You’re capable of it!”
“Seriously? Stop! This cannot go on anymore. You are going crazy! And not the good kind that I like about you. This isn’t you, Rachelle. This is guilt. A guilt that has no place to exist anymore. Did you hear what you just said? I don’t even recognise you! Enough with the fear!”
You storm out. Which is ironic and convenient since it is storming outside.
“I’m sorry about the Faithless comment. I don’t know where it came from.”
You turn around. You are drenched. Soon I will be too.
“Thank you for that.”
“I’m still scared though.”
“I know. That I can deal with.”
“Do you want to? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure that I want to kiss you now and deal with your fear later.”
“But what about what I’ve said?”
“I’m not interested in your bullshit excuses anymore. We fell in love. Let’s try again, see what happens. Maybe we might fall in love again. Who knows? I don’t. But I want to try.”
I look up to the sky, letting the rain hit me in the face.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I won’t pull away.”